Oops I can't find myself!!

A year bidding a farewell, a new one to come, festive moods everywhere...but nothing is sinking in. I seem to have lost myself somewhere. Helplessly I search for me!
In what I do - No! That's not me!
In what I speak - No, That's just my lips, Not me!
In what I think - No, Again. Here it is complete blankness!

There seems to be a big, black blanket between me and my own self.. I try to pull it away desperately wanting the familiar light to shine, to get see myself again. Oh but wait, its not a blanket, but it seems like an deep, deep abyss!

And I have no reason to have lost the zest! Things are absolutely fine, as expected!
I just want my song, my light, my life back!

This blog is one such of my numerous efforts to find my own self.
Oh God can I see the rays??
Please let be it!

No Direction

Happy to quit what I'm doing..
Because I've not being doing much and the little I do is not what I want to do.

Now what am I to do?

Follow my passion?
But that is an arduous, unpredictable and a risky path that is going to leave me penniless for a few months, causing troubles for me and my people!
What if I loose the battle??!!

Get into the same garbage decorated in a new gift wrapper?
Oh my GOD, the same old cribs coming up - no passion, not my cuppa tea, not challenging..

Another big question coming up these days - Can I even get the old garbage back? Is it really that easy?

Being jobless, not just pains but makes you go cranky as well - True; true - An idle mind is a Devil's workshop!
But I need to make up my mind!! I need answers and I need to find something in this puddle!

Thou shall not expect

It's expectations that makes one go weak on the knees.
Learning not to expect much, be it from life or relationships;
An art that is though way too difficult to master,
Will make ones happiness truly independent!

Change

One step at a time, as I grow;
So many changes, So much learning;
Each phase of life - the gained the lost;
Yet another change - A big, big one !
As I'm bracing myself for the whirlwind to come,
I realise that things are never going to be the same.
No more protective coziness my home,
Away from the unmatchable parental love - A heart wrenching distance,
A change in "I do whatever I want" attitude,
Can no longer say - No liabilities,
New relationships, New responsibilities;
Can I ?- Am I that grown up?
More questions and no answers - but one thing is written;
Things are never going to be the same - for the good or bad, lies with me!

Can never bid an Adieu my friend

As I get ready for your D-day my friend, a myriad of emotions run through me....
Happiness,Memories, Pangs of sorrow, helplessness..

From the time we sat together on our 4th standard benches till the last conversation we just had,
I remember every moment, so fresh, so green!
The years we have sat together, played together, studied together, lunched together.
The innumerable number of phone calls..
The countless ""fights"" .. is there a day or a thing we have not fought about?
The afternoons at your house..
The cycling times we had together and the WDP!
Sharing of lunch boxes, the Vadas at the canteen and the paneer sodas at the petty shops
Our study times - Ironically the subjects that I hate are the ones you love.
The games of shuttle, throw ball and Swedish long ball.
The times when we used to laugh at nothing for hours together, for a reason that only the two would understand..
The after school hours we spent at those beautiful, memorable place..

The long hours on the phone when distance separated us.
Is there a thing on earth we have not shared or discussed about?
If I can talk to one person on earth with absolutely zero inhibition about anything and everything, its you!
We are two radically opposite people but have been like the other side of the coin.. sticking together and being there for each other always..no matter what..
But as life is taking its usual turn and you have found your soul mate - The thing I'm elated about. But a selfish part of me knows that there is going to some space of yours that is going to be inaccessible to me and frightening part is that space is going to grow by day.

Can I trouble you with my calls at weirdest hour of the day?
Whom can I call, when I want to share something immediately..
Who will listen to my stupidest problems or thoughts without judging me..
Who is going to trouble the lazy me to get out to do some shopping or movie on a saturday..
Who is going to come over to my house to laugh as a family at our own self..
Who will be there to remind me when I'm loosing focus in life..
No company for male checking, temple visits and non stop laughter at nothing..
No surprise gifts, visits, hugs and kisses..
No more "I'm not important to you" fights..

If I stare at a next Saturday at Chennai without you, I'm lost!
No I'm not gonna take this.. I cannot afford to loose any of this and I need you for this always.
Yo have to give me my space in your life as always and I need you.. No adieu my dear friend.. Never!.....
Probably an All the best!

Too much of anything is bad

Love overboard can turn out to be dangerous..
both for the lover and the loved!
Beware of this thing called love...
It can cause as much pain as the bliss it gives!

P.S : Your own interpretations are welcome

Honk'O'Mania

Too much of noise pollution these days.Fearing that I would go hard of hearing soon, I have stopped listening to FM . That is a brain polluting activity as well. Sometimes I'm happy to realize that there are people who blabber worse than I do. I really am flummoxed as to how the RJ's can come up with such completely idiotic things - Kittu mama..Susie ..mami... tell me how your love life sucks... how to catch a rat??!!.. express you love (for God sake do it to the person you love)..Absolute nonsense and you endure all this only to hear the song that is again played for the nth time from morning...

So I decided that I will have a peaceful journey of 2 and half hours back home without any disturbance and try to sleep off my tiredness of eating, sleeping, blogging and doing nothing at office. As change is inevitable we had a new driver for our bus. The first day was a Friday and the traffic was at its peak and he kept honking all the way. One good thing is, his performance was better and he cut down the effort(travel time) by half an hour. I was pretty contented. But then the story continued and the honking levels used to irritate me to the core - And that used to transmitted diligently to my parents after reaching home!

One fine day rather a bad day - I wanted to understand the logic behind his honking (after all every action should have a reason) and sat right behind him.
There were vehicles that were moving pretty slowly.. he honked at them ... ok fine...
Then there were traffic jams and he honked... I was wondering what his intention was - should the vehicle in the front climb on the bumper of the one before it?
At traffic signals when there was a glaring red light, what would the poor souls in front do if our man honks?
I literally went nuts when he honked whilst he was the first at a signal (red again). Whom was he honking at? the traffic lights??
Then he tried overtaking the big 6 wheeler on the pavement where I would not even dream of pulling over a Maruti 800 and honked at a poor old man on a bicycle and scared the sh*t out of him. I still remember the mixed reaction on his face - perplexed, scared and angry. At one point of time the old man jumped down the cycle and almost merged into the walls to let this guy pass by.
It was when he honked at nothingness - yeah there was no one on the roads, a clear road till where I could see - AND HE HONKED!! - I gave up trying to find a reason.
Now I shifted my focus from the roads to our guy - It was then that I realized that there was a core technical flaw. Usually you have your hands on the steering and move it over to the horn when you want to. This guy had it permanently on the horn and moved to away intermittently to the steering. Wondering where his other hand was? Adjusting his Rajini hair style every now and then. He was perennially restless and with his hands and legs moving all the time, other than honking and yelling or muttering at people on the roads. Ok now I decided upon a reason - he was a Honk'o'Maniac.. Poor me could not think of anything else!
Looks like I was staring at him quite sometime simply because he was peculiar and our guy caught me and gave me a big smile ..oops I had no such intentions, I'm committed!
Just to make things clear while getting down I told him -

"Anna ippadi horn adichu tensiona ottineengana BP varum" ("Brother, If you keep honking like this Blood pressure would raise")
- He said -
"Ennakku BP lam varadhumma" ("I will not get hypertension")
- I said -
"Engalukku sonnen".. ("We definitely will...")

Whats the use .. the story continues, but I make it a point to sit way back in the bus!

Theory of Relativity

Now, now! - Don't worry, I'm not going to write anything that can even get close to Einstein's thoughts.
I was majorly pissed off yesterday, as I had missed my late evening shuttle from office out of sheer stupidity. I presumed a timing of my own and the shuttle was gone by then.
I can hear you guys telling that once in a while public transport can be used.. so much of fretting.
Hold on - I have valid reason - I travel from Ambattur to Shollinganallur.. that is like from Andra to TN.. for people who don't know its 53 km apart. Traveling 106 km a day is definitely not my idea of life.

On top of this I missed the shuttle after an useless meeting . After almost begging every auto driver on road for ride to Velachery , I found one who took pity on me.. in exchange for 100Rs of course. I found a bus that would take me to my place in another 2 hours.
Tired, irritated, sweaty(location chennai), hungry me .. I went to heights of jealousy when I saw a guy in a cozy Honda City besides my window on the roads on a fly over. With air conditioned , the guy was shaking his head to some probably nasty music and gobbling an apple. I thought oh my GOD , why me and turned the other side as I could not take in the atrocity and prejudice of the lord.... On the other side was a roof top with a thatched aluminium shelter, with around 7-8 people living in a place hardly sufficient for 2; no light, no fans and probably no food. Now, the lord was still atrocious and prejudiced, but I could not bring myself to ask why me?
Everything in life is relative!

My peculiar problem

I have done it again. Torn my slippers for... "I don't remember".... number of times

If someone asks one characteristic trait of mine to my friends - most of them would end up answering my never ending tryst with my footwear. (Second to my chubby cheeks, I guess)

This started right from school. In the first place - my father would find it hard to get shoes that fit my feet - Bigger than average! Secondly it would be gone in just a month. As my dad usually comments "Your shoes should be made in iron" - Understand his plight, it did burn a hole in his pocket every month. Thank God he did not think about hooves (now let me not give people ideas!)

This continues till date where I don't involve in any major athletic activity apart from running for the office shuttle in the morning. Shopping for my footwear is not a joke. Though I longingly look at dainty and pretty ones from the window , when I go inside all I say to the shop keeper is "Get me whatever model you have in your biggest size". He looks at my feet and moves away without a question.

I have done enough research and tried to fit in a pattern to this problem. But it does not even fit the fourier transform (Please do not ask me if I know to fit that in , that is the most complex one I could think of). But I have arrived at a few observations after a brain storming session with my team mates.

1. The casualty happens irrespective of the brands (used till date) . The test scenario includes a wide range from woodlands, Nike, Bata, Durable (Is it??), platform makes. So we have narrowed down that is the issue is with the end user and not the product. Though the sustainability of the product is proved i.e Nike survives for 30 days whereas platform makes for 3 days; the end result remains the same.

2. The initial damage starts around the toes. This happens immediately in a week. The leather worns out and the base below is visible.So it happens that anyday you see me, I' m with worn out slippers. Not that I'm miser, its just you at least require a weekend to shop! Believe me it looks sick, especially on my brand new Nike shoes , looks like a mice bite with two nasty holes on both. The beauty amidst all troubles is, that the damage is diametrically opposite and placed in proper angles on the both in a pair, that sometimes people might mistake it for a design issue.

3. Then usually the waar comes out. I dare not get any fancy slippers. I go in for mundane sick ones with thick waars because of this defect. Still the test case fails and the undesired but expected outcome is the result.

4. The sole is the final part that comes of if I manage footwear through the issues 2 & 3 .
Number 2- shrugging shoulders for nasty looks and comments
Number 3 - Frequent visits to the roadside cobbler whom I had befriended now.
Thats the end of the life cycle for that particular sample of the product.

5. I have amazed shoemakers with this peculiar talent of mine. A maintenance engineer at Khadims once remarked "In my 15 years of support I have never seen such a bug" - How did you do it mam! So it is a one of case scenarios that can easily be closed by the maintenance team. Poor me, that is always the case here.

6. Despite the generic test cases failing pathetically I have had the courage to try specific test specific test scenarios like high heeled, flats, Kola puri etc. One such scenario with heels failed miserably with a sprain and the heel block breaking off.

So we have classified this as a known defect and have planned another session for contingency plans to determine how effectively I can manage the situation.
Should I drag/ limp or more effectively walk bare foot when the casualty happens?
Should I carry a duplicate pair with me all the time?
Should I convince an insurance company to start a tailor made plan for covering my footwear expenses?
How much I should invest in equity/ fixed to cover my footwear costs for the rest of my life - say average 60 (If I live after that, I better not walk) ?

Suggestions on contingency measures welcome!

A teasure lost - Hopeless me.

Some strokes on a paper and I call it a sketch.
Pat my own back to say - I'm an artist;
As long as there are people around me to say - wow Ramya that's a good one!
The few scribblings I had - were my treasure.
In my own ways - I could see a gradual transition.
From pathetic to alright.
I could call myself an artist too, till those were with me.
But now they are not - I don't have a proof.

The long hours I put into them,
The appreciations I got - after my own efforts of flaunting though,
The sense of an accomplishment after completing one - I used to end up with a back pain though,
The significance associated with each piece,
All those memories lost!
And the reason - Careless me!

Some things are too precious.
I had to loose to realize.
I can't get out of my guilt and pain even after enough self reproach.
Please will someone thrash me??!!

Possessive dads

He is my guide, philosopher, friend, enemy..
How can someone take me away from him?
My child hood hero, role model has become a kid now..

To whom can I go
to make him understand that relationships are different?
to get him realize that I'll be his own little girl always?
to let him know that my love for him will not diminish one little bit?

I really am lost; because I always go to him for everything.

Some soul searching! - A mockery

An inspiring thought from "Frozen thoughts"

"When something bad happens you ask -Why me?;
But when something good happens, do you ever ask Why me?"

Ok I tried asking myself the question .
Suddenly such good things are happening in my life; Why me ?

Before the angel in me could apply the awesome thought,
Pop goes the answer - "I have had enough, now for a change...." from the Devilish me!

Ahh!!! no number of frozen thoughts can change me!
I'm what I'm - I have decided to fret today and no one can change it!

Missing Bangalore

Why do I feel so claustrophobic in here???

Feeling dull for the last three days - Since I started out in Chennai?

Coming out of my ODC in Bangalore, I would feel the sun, the winds. Felt connected to nature.

Here I never get to see sunlight except for the early morning sun which drags me out of bed.

The lovely long coffee beaks we used to have - airy space - wonderful team
The eerie and smelly pantry here!

The aimless weekends;
The useless shopping;
The all girls late night trips;
The railway station, I used to visit oft;
Trips to the Bajji shop;
The forum;
Long tea breaks with great company.. discussing everything under the sun..
The early morning walks with the cool breeze ruffling my hair;
Sweatshirts during the winters;
The cold floor;
Walking back home to friends;

Fighting for trivial things -What to cook?? who to cook?
The late night discussions in the dark looking at the ceilings - the philosophies of life.

The washing of the heap of the week on Saturdays;
No breakfast days and an average lunch turning out to be fantastic to the starved us;
Occasional visits to the temple.. especially the Ragigudda;
The CCD and Barista trips for no reason.
Weekend evenings with ginger tea and chocolate cake;
My pencil sketching time;
A lazy Saturday alone at home - sleep, a novel, cloudy cold weather, hot tea and an useless
movie;
Trips to commercial street and Brand factory promising to buy nothing, promise broken
diligently every time!

Its just flowing ....I would never stop..

Missing Bangalore so much!

Missing people I love!

The long awaited trip - to the magnificent NIAGARA!

On a fine Saturday morning we set off to Niagara - a place where I have been wanting to go since I set foot in US. Just with two weeks left for me to fly back home and all other arrangements splooshing - we were thankful to a friend who offered to drive us there. A wonderful group to hang out with - Priyanka, Kishor, Rk and myself. We started with all enthu only to find that there were no rental cars in the place where we had planned to rent one. But we could not be stopped. We drove to the airport to take the car and we set off out of Ohio at 10:30 am. A ride that was a bit cramped and hot especially at the rear of the car - but was real fun. Full of PJs and pulling of each others legs - especially Kishor's and RK's - I admit it , we girls are magnanimous and yeah the guys are really sweet.

Stopped at McD for some rest and here started the photo session. Soon were back at the roads with mast hindi songs. With Kishor moving to the front we had enough space at the rear (sorry bhai).
A smooth ride ..ooh why is Ganga pulling over the sides so suddenly. Hmm saw blinking red lights behind us. Ok, here comes the chacha (cops) - We were over speeding - Damn him everyone else was and the answer we got was - "I can pull over only one car at a go" - wonderful and why should that be us - destiny guys , destiny!- we had to spend an extra 200 bucks on the trip - it was written. The good part is it would not affect his credit points as we were in PA state already. We started again sober for sometime - but only sometime ; such was our group. Stopped at Denny's for lunch. Or at least was so for others - All I could have were potatoes, tomatoes, onions, lettuce ..oh yeah I forgot the bread. The good thing was a coffee at Lavazza to keep me going.
We were nearing at the state of NewYork - it started raining heavily -oh my God this is not what we expected. Reached Niagara. Drove through the old but beautiful downtown of Niagara. We checked-in at Econolodge. The rooms were very comfortable. We jumped into a bed and phew we went down with it. A nice yellow comforter , aesthetic lampshades. the bed was inviting. But we came here for the falls. We gathered ourselves and took a tram to the falls. By the time we were at the entry it was 8 'o clock in the light. Ah here the sun does not go down till after 9. Ok here we were, taking photographs of the gateway to Canada. This is the only border that can be crossed by air, road and water. And the two countries were so friendly -thought about India and Pak for a moment. Then off to the falls..

I was walking slowly .. wanted to savour the moment I get a first glimpse of the falls. Heard so much about the magnificence of the Niagara and wanted to capture the first moment of the look in my heart forever. I could see the mist .. hmm getting closer. We reached the railing ... Was this Niagara????%^$&$&$&^c... Yeah it was big - but magnificent? I was pretty much disappointed. Looked at my friends.. they were too. We took photographs , but the disappointment was
obvious. Okey! people have told us that the falls is lit up during the nights with beautiful light and that is a must see. We pinned our hopes on that . On the other side of the river was Canada. tall skyscrapers and casinos. Phew it started raining heavily . We were all worn out then - so went into a gift shop and did some shopping . But rain was not planning to stop. How long ?? had we come all the way to get stuck in a gift shop?. Frustration mounting, we got our self plastic coats and ventured into the rain. We went to observatory desk. Waiting for the lights that would light up the falls , hoping that it would suddenly make the falls a wonder.. Here are the lights..red.. hmm ok so ? Not much of a change. Oh my God! The lights kept changing colours once each after a dragging 10 mins, but colors on our faces had drained by then , due to the rain, cold and disappointment. We could not take it any longer and came back to our rooms and jumped into the inviting beds.



Next day morning , amazingly the guys were ready before we were. I have a feeling that they had skipped their bath - could not think about any other logical reason. We put some enthusiasm and talked our self into believing that the rides would definitely be fun. Waited for the bus only to realize that we had one , an hour later. Thinking we'll go back to the econolodge and wait .. we went in, only to get hooked on to a tour "Over the falls tour". They had a van to take us there and show over the entire place - And Chris was our Guide.

Chris wished us with a "Namaste" and "Vanakkam" - he really did. Most of the visitors to Niagara were Indians. He gave us fundas about the place, history of the falls and rest. First ride - we were dropped at was the "Cave of the winds". There was an elevator that would take us down 150 feet where the falls would drop and we could have a closer look . This was on the American falls. 10% of the water flows to the American falls and the rest 90% drops on to the Canadian horse shoe falls. Down we went in 22 seconds and entered armed with yellow coats and slippers. Walked down to see the falls dropping from the heights...

Oh GOD.. we were all speechless for a moment. The power, the force, the strength, the height, the volume - indeed it was magnificent , or can we find a better word? We were stunned and gaped at the falls and I felt it was mocking at us to say - come near me if you can.. after all that you said yesterday.Every step I took near it made me feel small. when I reached the end of the railing to actually reach out to the magnificence of the Niagara.. it just pushed me back. I could not , the mist, it was just the mist not even the water that was pushing me back. I was breathless. A now or never moment as my friend rightly put it , we fought as much as we could to fight the magnificence, we gazed at it and tried to sink in as much as we could the truth that this was an epitome that proved, nature was magnificent and we are powerless. We dragged ourselves unwillingly out of the cave and reached the planes.
Then comes the horse shoe falls. We were driven there and given some time there. If 10% of the water was so much, then I'm not going to describe the 90%.. man I don't have words to . So we took photographs, unmindful of the fact that our hairs were standing straight up like a porcupine !, so much was the static. Not a wonder that Niagara generates electricity for USA and Canada and power shortages are a rare event here.


Then off to a gift shop, our guide called it a museum. It had a few photo frames about the history of Niagara. We guys were pissed off about wasting our valuable time here. We had very little time.Had to head back by 1. Probably the tour concern had a tie up with the shop. Left soon to take the boat ride.

Maid of the mist. This would take you close to the horse shoe falls and head back . Wow, again down by 150 feet and we were on the boat with coats, blue this time. Pom , Pom started the boat. We were getting closer to the falls. Suddenly I felt insecure, actually scared - never loved boat rides. As we inched closer, I summoned my courage to look at the Canadian horse shoe falls. The sheets of water falling through. As we got closer, we were surrounded by nothing but water on three sides. The place where the falls had begun had merged into the sky , without even mimicking a demarcation and I felt as if I was in a different world. Keep staring into the waste whiteness, you are lost there!.

This accomplished the purpose. The rest of the places we visited were indeed good. But the Cave of the winds and Maid of the mist, I felt gave us a peek into the epitome of magnificence.
Niagara, Nature - I salute thee!

A beautiful wednesday

Middle of the week - a usually dragging day!
But blogging at 10 on a Wednesday morning from office? Couldn't resist it.
Getting up 7 - no rush or panic. I looked out of my windows in Columbus.. it was drizzling slowly .
The grass was lush green....the sky was sea blue..all washed out and clean as a fresh painting . You could have actually heard a pin dropping down; such was the silence and tranquility. A nice slow hot bath and light breakfast of toast and cereals with a M&B ; listening to the rain drops splashing on the window panes. No hassles of travel as I car pool! A wonderful drive of 15 minutes on no traffic , clean washed out pale grey roads with the windows half open , just a bit to let the chilly breeze ruffle my hair I felt the peace. Did not even bother to participate in the T20 match discussion that was going on besides. Dragging myself forcible out of the ride that I wished would never end - I felt life is wonderful!

Any difference?

I was sitting at the chennai airport waiting for my flight to Dubai and to Houston from there.
Watching people is my favourite pass time, if I do not have a worthy book with me. The port was buzzing with people at 2 am. Different kinds - interesting, bored, tired, irritated, happy,not bothered ..... Mostly Indians, with a few foreigners (people mostly gaping at them). My second trip abroad - so I had my feet down. A kid smiling at me; a guy with a mask (swine flue on the go!); An elderly couple sleeping; Newly weds talking; Something out of the place caught my attention - Two young girls - Must be around 13 years of age, came and sat besides me. From their appearances I could guess they were from the lower strata of the society. Curious, I asked them where they were going? They said - "akka we are going to work in America!" . I was shocked - Before I could ask more I saw a lady with two infants coming over to them and stated bossing them around to go on. My questions were answered - You don't get maids in US even if you pay them half your salary.
What pained me was the innocence and excitement I saw in the girl's eyes. Dressed up in good clothes (for what she had seen) ; with good food and going in a plane?? She must consider it a luck of her lifetime- little does she know what she is missing and where she is going! God lets some people live without knowing that there are so many other doors. I could not take my eyes off her till she left the lounge. Then I thought ... how different are we the IT professionals? Going abroad is a dream for many. But what are we doing there. Working for someone, something and a growth of some nation which is tightening its laws everyday to not let us come inside. Accepted are the global exposure and money one makes outside - not to forget the BSE points we add. But looking at it from a holistic point of view...Am I loosing rather than gaining? I could not answer the question , but now I could relate so much with that girl.

Time and now.. I realise .. What's the use?

Looked back through the logs below.
Very evident are my mood swings! So many emotions, happiness, fulfillment, sorrow, jealousy. A recap shows how trivial these are now. I could see a painful incident, written down as a satire ; that completely does not affect me now. Despite all these lofty thoughts and revelations, the present moment affects us so much!
Time heals - yeah true, but we live in the present...it hurts when it hurts, blesses when it does.

SlumDog Millionaire

Watching the movie with a lot of expectations (8 Oscars) got me disappointed.
But we'll not go into the movie review. What set me into deep thinking after the movie was not in vogue with the other reviews of the movie - not the poverty, not the growth of Jamal and what about the other slumdogs?
Its about the question
Jamal became a millionaire, why?
1) He cheated
2) He is lucky
3) He is a genius
4) It was destined

Correct answer?!! Is it ?
Destiny is word that changes colors like a chameleon.
I believe in destiny , I loose focus and the guts to fight my cause!
I shun destiny, I'm lost with no answers for baseless failures and unreasonable shocks I go through in my life!
Destiny is a
...supporting shoulder when you cannot understand what life is doing to you...
...demotivator when you have to fight against odds..
Oh God .. Is it ..or is it not?? .. DESTINY?

People in my life!!

Many things are learnt from people around you than from books. The difference that a few can make in your life in profound.

To ,

My Kindergarten teacher who taught me school was fun,
My physics teacher who taught me to think,
My maths teacher who showed the beauty of maths,
Suneetha - a friend who taught what an intellectual companionship can do to you,
Deepa who taught me that adamancy is good,
Usha who taught me that you could be in the good books of all,
Ilango a visually changed teacher at school who taught me what struggle is,
Gang rivals at schools who taught me that enmity can lead competitive excellence ,
Sujatha at college who taught me where mental strength and conviction can take you,
Priyanka who taught me what unassuming intelligence is,
Saketh who taught me what simplicity is,
Amarnath and Srujana who taught me what communication can do,
Sangeetha who taught me what confidence is,
PCE sir who taught me what sincerity is,
AB who taught me what dynamism can do,
Srikanth who taught what a crush is,
Raghu who taught what is does when you keep in touch,
Radhi who taught strength and selfless affection is,
Nithi who taught what silent sweetness is,
Niket who taught to keep laughing in testing times,
Vinodh who taught what sincerity and honesty is,
Tanaya who taught what hard work and simplicity can do to your life and a touch of affection,
Pankaj who taught what it is to have a intellect besides you,
Vijee who taught clarity in thinking and what help at a right time can do,
Jojo who taught me perfection,
Rajesh who taught dynamism,
Raji who taught a non - dependent friendship is,
Indhu who taught how outspoken nature can enhance relationships,
....More to come!!

Above all,

To ,

Dad who taught me life
Mom who taught me love,
Thulasi who taught me friendship

THANK YOU ALL!!

Wisdom that time adds!

What can a year do to a person? My God, so much. To think what kind of a person I was a year ago! I'm surprised to think back and if I reflect my actions I realize I have been such a kid - lets get this straight, I have walked this earth 24 years , so a year back was nowhere close to a kid. The enlightenment that I wanna talk about here is about the thing that is "decided in heavens".

When I was an career enthusiast at my late 22 my parents as any typical Indian parents started searching for a "right match" for their daughter. I as any typical Indian daughter was dead against it and was vehemently adamant ..... till my dad showed his photograph .. lets call him Mr.Stunning( as in newspapers - name changed : ) ). He was really a dude, smart , intelligent , well placed. A guy with a great profile ( any person going through this matchmaking will know the relative meaning of this word here). Mr.S was working at the United states and is a typical "American mappilai". Though I was bowled over by his profile and looks, I was quite skeptical - man: accept the truth he was too much for me. We had an introductory chat. A very nice guy , open minded, well informed, non- committal, intelligent .... okay stop it ... He was decent. We were supposed to meet in a temple. I was so damn ignorant then , I did not think about my career, nor about what I would do in a country where the biggest problems for Indians is a four letter word "VISA" which was luck by chance. But I sure about one thing ..I;m not settling down abroad. And looks like that Mr.S was aligned completely in the other direction . He was suggesting that chennai was too hot and believe it not he certainly believed that the streets of vadapalani was crowded . the posh area of chennai .. crowded?? I fervently hoped that he goes nowhere near Ranganathan street. What so ever when he asked me what I thought about settling abroad - a clear straight answer - NO - But wait I couldn't let go of this guy - a typical groom any girl would like (He was better in person) - I made it clear that I had ambitions of travelling, learning , working abroad but in the end I wanted to come back to India And there was my mistake - the reason for it was I had to take care of parents and I wanted my kids to grow up in India --- whaaaaaaaaaat Kidssssssssss.. Mr.stunning fell out of his chair. Oh was it something wrong? He staggered to regain his posture and say - kids??? that is too much of thinking .. That was the last I saw of Mr. Stunning . Whether it was my looks or talks that scared him ( I prefer to believe in the latter) - I was in a "one day love failure." - A depression that took "Chronicles of Narnia" on a Monday evening and the testing of my friend's patience to come out.

Now If I think of the day I talked and walked that one day - if I ever get to meet him sometime all I would like to say is - sorry for all I did and said that day! Was I really that stupid - betting on just profile and looks to decide my life partner and my God scared the **** out of the poor guy. That was no "one such case" that became my Bodhi... more to come .. the guys I met in that one year - everything got dropped for one or another reason ... rejections from both sides for unimaginable reasons - the main concerns of compatibility and comradeship lost. Quite a few lessons I have learnt from this

Never discuss responsibilities to guys in the first few meetings:
Girls would look for a guy who can take up responsibilities ; who can take care of her and things. But that is the first thing that guys detest in marriage . I met a guy who said - the first thing I expect from marriage is that it should not change my life , I don't want too many responsibilities.
Guys a relationship is a give and take - believe me girls can take care of themselves and you too - but you have to give her your support. If you don't want any change why get married in the first place?

Looks play a main role in marriage - arranged or love
No explanations required. Nothing wrong in it too.
But just a request guys and gals - don't be over ambitious and hurt people. You should look into the mirror at times too.

Not all guys are broad minded and forward as I thought
Again a personal example, have you heard from your parents about a guy going around in cars , round trips across the city to visit girlS' place , look at the girl over sweet and coffee and say you like her or don't without talking a word - looks like a scene from a movie in 80's - believe it or not it happened in 2008. Shocked to realise guys still exist??? I was elated when Mr.80 a lead in a reputed MNC said a "no". (over phone , thank God not over letter). Good for me.

Marriage is such complex algorithm that and no number of Markonikovs can compute the probability of it working out between two individuals.
"You have to meet the wrong people so that you know when you meet the right one".??
Probably this entire thing of marriage is some kind of gamble - profile, status, looks??? Is there something called Love - I doubt it very much.
Or is it just arranged marriage? - Should I madly fall in love with someone before I even think about marriage? - Probably I require another year to gain some insight into this.