What can a year do to a person? My God, so much. To think what kind of a person I was a year ago! I'm surprised to think back and if I reflect my actions I realize I have been such a kid - lets get this straight, I have walked this earth 24 years , so a year back was nowhere close to a kid. The enlightenment that I wanna talk about here is about the thing that is "decided in heavens".
When I was an career enthusiast at my late 22 my parents as any typical Indian parents started searching for a "right match" for their daughter. I as any typical Indian daughter was dead against it and was vehemently adamant ..... till my dad showed his photograph .. lets call him Mr.Stunning( as in newspapers - name changed : ) ). He was really a dude, smart , intelligent , well placed. A guy with a great profile ( any person going through this matchmaking will know the relative meaning of this word here). Mr.S was working at the United states and is a typical "American mappilai". Though I was bowled over by his profile and looks, I was quite skeptical - man: accept the truth he was too much for me. We had an introductory chat. A very nice guy , open minded, well informed, non- committal, intelligent .... okay stop it ... He was decent. We were supposed to meet in a temple. I was so damn ignorant then , I did not think about my career, nor about what I would do in a country where the biggest problems for Indians is a four letter word "VISA" which was luck by chance. But I sure about one thing ..I;m not settling down abroad. And looks like that Mr.S was aligned completely in the other direction . He was suggesting that chennai was too hot and believe it not he certainly believed that the streets of vadapalani was crowded . the posh area of chennai .. crowded?? I fervently hoped that he goes nowhere near Ranganathan street. What so ever when he asked me what I thought about settling abroad - a clear straight answer - NO - But wait I couldn't let go of this guy - a typical groom any girl would like (He was better in person) - I made it clear that I had ambitions of travelling, learning , working abroad but in the end I wanted to come back to India And there was my mistake - the reason for it was I had to take care of parents and I wanted my kids to grow up in India --- whaaaaaaaaaat Kidssssssssss.. Mr.stunning fell out of his chair. Oh was it something wrong? He staggered to regain his posture and say - kids??? that is too much of thinking .. That was the last I saw of Mr. Stunning . Whether it was my looks or talks that scared him ( I prefer to believe in the latter) - I was in a "one day love failure." - A depression that took "Chronicles of Narnia" on a Monday evening and the testing of my friend's patience to come out.
Now If I think of the day I talked and walked that one day - if I ever get to meet him sometime all I would like to say is - sorry for all I did and said that day! Was I really that stupid - betting on just profile and looks to decide my life partner and my God scared the **** out of the poor guy. That was no "one such case" that became my Bodhi... more to come .. the guys I met in that one year - everything got dropped for one or another reason ... rejections from both sides for unimaginable reasons - the main concerns of compatibility and comradeship lost. Quite a few lessons I have learnt from this
Never discuss responsibilities to guys in the first few meetings:
Girls would look for a guy who can take up responsibilities ; who can take care of her and things. But that is the first thing that guys detest in marriage . I met a guy who said - the first thing I expect from marriage is that it should not change my life , I don't want too many responsibilities.
Guys a relationship is a give and take - believe me girls can take care of themselves and you too - but you have to give her your support. If you don't want any change why get married in the first place?
Looks play a main role in marriage - arranged or love
No explanations required. Nothing wrong in it too.
But just a request guys and gals - don't be over ambitious and hurt people. You should look into the mirror at times too.
Not all guys are broad minded and forward as I thought
Again a personal example, have you heard from your parents about a guy going around in cars , round trips across the city to visit girlS' place , look at the girl over sweet and coffee and say you like her or don't without talking a word - looks like a scene from a movie in 80's - believe it or not it happened in 2008. Shocked to realise guys still exist??? I was elated when Mr.80 a lead in a reputed MNC said a "no". (over phone , thank God not over letter). Good for me.
Marriage is such complex algorithm that and no number of Markonikovs can compute the probability of it working out between two individuals.
"You have to meet the wrong people so that you know when you meet the right one".??
Probably this entire thing of marriage is some kind of gamble - profile, status, looks??? Is there something called Love - I doubt it very much.
Or is it just arranged marriage? - Should I madly fall in love with someone before I even think about marriage? - Probably I require another year to gain some insight into this.
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8 comments:
Excellent!!!!!!!!!!. Good I am saved of this scare but let me tell you ..the pains of love are even deadlier. A very interesting post...may be the soulspeak of lakhs of Indian eligible spinsters...and yes straight from the horse's mouth. Great style of narration......hope to see more such posts from you!!!!
Hey..Ramya..don get scared 2 much of these things...as if zombies will come and catch hold of u...nothing gr8 r worse will happen 2 us coz of a new addition of relationship...dats wat s my opinion..it all depends n r hardwork and attitude..he cannot b the only person 2 decide our fate !
Scared ?? Me?? Is that what this blog portrays?? Oh then the intent is lost .. It was a satire and learning's through the way..
@WatLifeIsAllAbout - hey by the way , a life partner is quite an important person , who can make or break your life. Think so
oops.... gud i gotta read this... got a first hand info of things i ll be goin thru in a few yrs... yeah i abhor the system! but do we singletons have a choice? and whenever i refute the idea of such marriages, ppl at home ask me to suggest an alternative... and i just gawp..i think we need to bring a change, but how? and a nice from-the-heart write.. gr8 assembly of thoughts..
if u r still wonderin who dis s, well find out...
I'm glad to know there are many people who share the same thoughts..but Ramya, marraige is kind of a gamble, whether you fall madly in love with someone and get married, or get married and then fall in love..eventually you should be destined to have a happy married life ;) . I wish you good luck with it. Oh yea...keep up the great writing.
Hey just in case you were thinking who this is , it is shivani :)
@neversaydie.. true marriage is a gamble.. so are so many other things in life.. these days I have started contemplating so much on destiny.. you tend to do so when things don't go the way you want them to.
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